Written by Kelly Maccioli
Summer 2016: I am a stay-at-home mom to a 4 year-old and 2 year-old twins, I’ve been trapped in my house with 3 small children, who were sick for what felt like 80% of the time (thank you pre-school!) ALL winter. I’ve just started running again, blissfully alone for an hour with nothing but fresh air and my own thoughts. I’m calmer, healthier, happier and I’m a better parent for it. I have about 3 pretty consistent months of running in my legs. Then the news breaks . . . Vanessa Marcotte was killed while out on a run, by herself, in Princeton, MA which is not super close, but also a little too close for comfort to where I live and run . . . alone.
I stay indoors, I head over to my parents to use their treadmill. They are happy to have me there, and not out on the roads by myself, but running on the treadmill just isn’t the same. The news is now full of helpful advice on how women should be protecting themselves: don’t run alone, don’t run in the dark alone, always carry your phone, have a weapon on you, or better yet don’t have a weapon on you, it could be used against you, don’t run alone, make sure you take a self-defense class, always let someone know where you’re going, take your phone with you, make sure your phone can be tracked, don’t run with headphones, don’t wear your hair in a ponytail because it can be pulled and used against you, and oh yeah, don’t run alone. I do some research and join a running club (one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!) – now I’m only running alone a little, but the refrain is the same even from well-meaning club members, and my parents “Don’t run alone!”
But what if it’s not our fault – we’re women, we are half of the population, and women runners tend to be pretty badass. Why is us running alone the problem? Why isn’t the problem the predator? The guy in the park exposing himself to us, the guy slow rolling behind us telling us he likes our ass? The guy that runs up right behind us moving to the side to pass at the very last second grazing our rear as they pass? This is not on us. As women we have just as much a right to be out on the roads running alone, or running in the dark, or running with headphones on as our male counterparts. Despite that 60% of female runners have reported being harassed, 1 in 3 women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime, and 600+ women are assaulted daily* Because of this we take extra precautions our male counterparts would never think about, and even good intentioned interactions on the roads can take on a scary feel very quickly. I’ve had 2 experiences this summer involving club members that I absolutely understand came from a place of love or concern, however in the moment before I was able to identify them they were still scary AF. Those experiences combined with the darker mornings and evenings approaching rapidly feels like a good time to review the best practices for interacting with solo female runners on the roads or trails. And because there are so many “How-to keep yourself safe” articles out there for women, I thought we could all benefit from another “how-to” so on that note I present:
“How to NOT get maced” a runner’s guide to interacting with solo female runners.
1. Alert them to your presence as soon as possible.
This one is easiest if you are running towards each other. A wave or a good morning is all that’s needed. Most likely they’ve already seen you. If they do not acknowledge you, just keep moving and leave them to their run.
If you are coming up on them from behind, a friendly “Coming up on your left” works well, it alerts them that you are there, are closing in and will be passing them. Most runners male or female will move to the right once they hear that. If they do not acknowledge you the first time try again as you get a little closer. If it’s someone you know, use their name – hearing “Kelly” out on the roads will not only get my attention but it’s let me know you’re not a stranger. Whether
they acknowledge you or not give them space as you run by. Maybe a little wave or a “good morning” or “good evening” so they know you’re just passing through, but keep moving.
2. Follow her cues.
If it’s someone you know, see how they react to your approach. Did they slow down to chat for a second? Or did they look at their watch and wave but kept moving? Use those cues before trying to engage them further. In the mornings especially, I am on a time limit, so while I would like to be friendly I don’t always have the time to stop for a “catch-up”. Also in winter with all the hats and jackets and gloves I won’t always recognize you until you are a lot closer. Give her a moment, if you run past we may call you back or run to you once we’ve realized we know you, or we may not but let her make that move.
If you’d like to join them, ASK FIRST. Let them make that decision, don’t just jump in and don’t assume they need a buddy. I don’t think I’ve ever said no to another runner I’ve “run into” joining me, and most days I welcome it, but especially if you’re a male runner, and/or a new acquaintance, it needs to be her choice. If she says no then “ok have a great day” and to keep moving in the direction you were going is a great response. Realize it’s not personal, and get on with your run.
If she’s wearing headphones, whether you agree with it or not, it’s a sign she wants to be left alone. She may even be wearing them because someone else at one time or another tried to engage her and she felt threatened. You don’t know, so leave her alone.
3. DO NOT try to engage someone who has NOT acknowledged you.
If you’ve done all of the above and there is still no response or acknowledgment leave her alone. Give her a much space as you can and pass and continue on. If you approach her, or try to engage her further she will see you as a threat and act accordingly. I carry pepper spray when I run alone, and I know of at least one female runner that runs with a small taser. Your intentions may be good, but to her you’re now a threat, she either heard you and chose not to engage, or she didn’t hear you and she’s now surprised to find you so close, she would be within her right to protect herself however she deems best.
4. A wave and a smile is the only acceptable acknowledgement from a moving car. I have ONE good (and funny) story about being acknowledged from a moving car, and a lot about being followed in a car at a slow roll, or being sexually harassed from the window of a car. If it’s someone you know and you can do it from a distance, a wave, and a greeting out an open window is your best bet. Anything else is an ABSOLUTE NO.
Ultimately, we, as female runners, have the same right to be out on the road as our male counterparts, and the list above should be runner etiquette 101 no matter the sex. However, we can follow all the “rules”, as I did this summer in Washington, DC, but still be threatened or attacked. I encourage you to talk to the female runners of the club, listen to their experiences, or listen to them list the precautions they take – I bet they mention things you might not have thought about. Put yourself in their shoes, how would this interaction look from a female perspective? And just listen – so many assaults go un-reported because even in this day and age, we still have to worry about being believed. These aren’t stories, they are real-life experiences that women have every day.
* statistics from the Vanessa Marcotte Foundation.
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