Written by Lacey Liebert, LMHC
Imposter Syndrome is so common. I’m sure we can all relate. Imposter Syndrome will tell you horrible things about yourself, in particular about your skills, abilities, goodness and worth. Imposter Syndrome is NOT based in reality. Imposter Syndrome takes reality on the outside and twists it to tell you why you’re no good. Since this all happens on the inside, it often stays hidden. The person dealing with it quietly suffers. My hope in writing about this today is to tell you- it can get better- but you need to talk about it.
Imposter Syndrome isn’t just uncomfortable — for some people it can get serious. If you already struggle with depression or a self-critical, all-or-nothing way of thinking, Imposter Syndrome can hit you harder and stick around longer. Why? Because it feeds on the same thinking: discounting your wins, assuming the worst, replaying your perceived failures on a loop. Depression and Imposter Syndrome speak the same language — so if one is already talking loudly in your head, the other has an easier time getting through.
A (literal) trailblazer for bringing this topic to the headlines right now is ultra runner Rachel Entrekin. She won the Cocodona 250 mile trail race in May. After the race she shared that while she was on the course she found herself second-guessing her belongingness ahead of the male runners. What did she do? Well, after winning (heck yeah!), she TALKED ABOUT IT. And from there, she took her doubt and transformed it into a motto of “Why not me?”
This is a great example of Imposter Syndrome, because from the outside, we see one thing, but on the inside, Rachel feels something else entirely. They don’t match.
The fear, doubt, insecurity, and shame that drive Imposter Syndrome are rarely resolved by achieving more. In fact, the Imposter is often a relentless achiever… because there’s a wish that at some point it will be enough. Enough to feel like the “real deal” or enough to quiet the shame.
Unfortunately, this also means that NOT achieving or making mistakes are often interpreted as the person is just no good. This kind of thinking can stop someone from showing up, learning, and trying.
There are many reasons why you might feel like an Imposter on the inside, whether it is about running, working, parenting, partnering, and the list goes on. I’ll put my usual caveat here: generalizing can’t replace individualizing. For a deeper dive into your specific experience, I recommend talking with a therapist.
Some questions:
- What messages did you get growing up about yourself and your skills, abilities, goodness, or worth? What did you learn about earning, deserving, and getting things?
- What does being a “real deal” runner [or parent, or partner, or work role] mean to you? Where do these ideas come from?
- Why is achieving [fill in the blank] important to you? What do you hope it will get you?
All of us want something (but some of us might not want to admit it). In fact we want many things. On the surface, we want to win a race. Or run a faster time. We want to feel good at what we do. Of course we do! But, beneath all of that, we want to be liked, accepted, and loved. We also want to feel respected and admired. Seen! Like we matter, because we do.
Thanks for reading!
If you or someone you know would like to connect with a therapist here are a couple of resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com
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