Written by Erik Dunbar
75 Hard isn’t really that hard, they tell you what to do, just do those things every day. The last couple of weeks I felt like I was going to cruise right through to the finish. My weight was down, strength was up and I was running faster. I’d even planned on adding a few days at the end to round out the last week. Then the wheels came off. On day 64, a Wednesday, my stomach was bothering me which persisted through the rest of the week. I reworked my routine so I could complete the tasks within my temporary limitations.
A few things pertinent things to know about 75 Hard. You must drink a gallon of plain old water every day. You must complete two 45 minutes workouts every day. One of which has to be outside, and they have to be 2-3 hours apart. If you miss these, or any of the tasks, you fail and start over at day one.
On day 67 (Saturday) my stomach was still upset. I skipped the morning run with the club to get more rest. At 11:30am, still in bed, I began negotiating with myself to get the first workout in. By 4pm I hadn’t moved except to vomit up whatever was left in my stomach. I was still aiming to complete the first workout and contemplating when to guzzle down a gallon of water. As time continued to tick away, I realized that I was failing 75 Hard and had to make the conscious decision to quit. I’d failed at things before. It took me 7 years to achieve the PR I had set for myself at the Tough Ten. But this wasn’t the same. This was spending an entire day watching it slowly slip away from me, and realizing I couldn’t get it back. By 5:30pm I was done. Even if I had gotten a workout in, it would be night before I could try for a second workout. 66 days of hard work and effort gone.
The next day I was feeling better so I thought I could salvage Sunday and finish, even if I technically failed. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d barely eaten or had anything to drink for almost two days. I had a very light breakfast that morning before going to an HCS Board meeting. After the meeting I ate a small snack and went home to figure out next steps. When I got home I suddenly felt very tired and weak and figured I should lay down. On my way to my bedroom I collapsed on the dining room floor. I woke up to see my mother standing over me. I assumed I’d tripped, picked myself up and collapsed again on the other side of the room. I again woke up with no idea how I’d gotten there. I finally realized that I wasn’t ok. Fortunately my mother was a career nurse, so I wasn’t alone and had expert care. We concluded that I was severely undernourished and dehydrated.
I explain this to illustrate how singularly focused on completing 75 Hard I’d become. I ignored the warning signs that I was not ok. And I didn’t listen to those who observed that I was pale, tired, etc. For instance my mother regularly commented on how busy I was, looked tired and asking if I was getting enough sleep.
Coach’s tips on goal setting, and Lacey’s tips on the depression that can set in after an intense training cycle and activity, like a marathon, came to mind. They were very helpful to me when I was planning my goals for the year. However neither those tips, nor any of the planning I did myself, accounted for quitting. It wasn’t the failure as much as the choice to stop. As of this writing I am still processing it. I’m sad. I’m disappointed. I’m struggling. And I’m embarrassed.
I’m not there yet, but I’m trying to accept that sometimes it’s ok to quit. I recognize I did experience some success. I’ve lost weight I’ve been struggling for years to lose and I’m at the lowest weight I’ve been in 26 years. I managed to do it without losing any strength gains. I reasserted control over my diet and am exercising some discipline again. Both time passing and writing this piece have been very therapeutic. And Beth helped me realize that 75 Hard is an endurance activity, something I’d never tried before. Knowing that has helped me come to terms with it as well.
I want to mention the problem wasn’t 75 Hard. I will do it again and in fact I am doing a slightly modified version now. I didn’t complete the challenge as outlined and that stings. It was a ton of work, planning and effort. If I can accept that I had success and that it was ok to quit, then maybe I can find some resolution. I still don’t think it’s that hard, but completing a different 75 Hard doesn’t get me this one back. The moment is gone forever.
Knowing when to quit may be necessary, I just hope I’m better prepared for it next time.
(Daily selfies, one of the 75 Hard rules, below when I began 75 Hard on January 1st (203 lbs), and the last photo I took before it ended on day 66 (180 lbs).)
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