Written by Lacey Liebert, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
In running, you hear about “setbacks” all the time. This is something unexpected that knocks you down in some way. We’ve all been there. An injury that sidelines a big goal. A season in life when priorities suddenly change. Whatever the setback might be, it usually means we must make adjustments and adapt to our new circumstances.
Even if you embrace change, it is also true that change typically involves loss. If the loss is running itself, we lose so much more than the exercise of putting one foot in front of the other. Hopefully, it’s temporary. But regardless, loss is loss. You WILL feel something about this.
Here are some losses that might accompany a setback in running:
• Physical Function
• Goals and Future Plans
• Routine and Structure
• A Reliable Outlet
• A Sense of Competence and Mastery
• Community and Belonging
Sometimes when I talk to people who are dealing with a setback, I hear things like: “It’s fine”, “Things could be worse”, “I shouldn’t feel so down.” We might say things like this to protect ourselves and others- perhaps to avoid the vulnerability of feeling something more deeply, or to try to make ourselves feel better about our situation. However, I find that this doesn’t actually work in the long run (pun intended). Our job is to take care of our feelings (I like this phrase so much more than “manage our feelings”), not minimize or dismiss them.
If you ignore what hurts or the ways in which you are impacted by a setback, you are delaying the inevitable. The feelings (sadness, resentment, loneliness, to name a few)will come out in some way. I’ve heard this called “sideways feelings” when emotions you haven’t dealt with come out in ways that seem unrelated, are unhelpful and can be harmful. For example, if you blow up at someone for mixing up your coffee order… it’s probably NOT about the coffee.
This is the part where I tell you that you no matter what the situation is, no matter what is going on, as an adult, you are responsible for you. Yes, the setback that happened might be shocking, heartbreaking, or unfair. AND YET, how you feel about it and what you do with it are YOUR responsibility. That’s not a burden — or at least, it doesn’t have to be. It’s where your power lives. You don’t get to choose what happened. You do get to choose how you move through it. And, you don’t have to do that alone.
Comebacks and New Roads
The forced pause, or pivot, as unwelcome as it might be creates space to try new roads that you would not have walked down when training was humming along. I’ll use my own situation as one example. As many of you know, in early February my knee broke down. I went from marathon training one day to difficulty walking the next day. First I felt shock and confusion. As time went on I felt frustrated and impatient. My anger came out sideways at doctors who couldn’t give me what I wanted from them.After more time, I began to accept and feel the loss of running, and not just running, but training. I felt intensely sad. I was told that training meant fast tracking to a knee replacement. It was my worst break up, by far.
Here’s what helped me:
• Talking about it
• Crying
• Feeling love from family and friends
• Gathering information about my options
Finding my new roads:
•The Pool- I joined a gym that has an indoor pool to aqua jog. On my list: swimming lessons.
• The Bike- I dusted off my outdoor bike, which I don’t think I’ve used in a decade. Biking with HCS feels like I’m on long runs again. I had missed this quality time so much.
• Push-up & Pull-up Challenge— I WILL do a real pull-up. Maybe more than one. I’m getting close. The chase is fun, and seeing my strength build as a direct result of my practice reminds me of training for a race.
• Coaching- I’ve learned quite a bit from training (and my obsession with the science of running), so I’m putting it to a new use. I love it & will probably pursue a certification!
None of this has felt easy or simple. I’m learning as I go.
The runners who navigate setbacks well aren’t the ones who skip the hard part. They’re the ones who move through it — who let themselves feel and also stay curious about roads they haven’t traveled yet. Community helps here too. You don’t have to be training to belong. Showing up anyway — for others, and for yourself — is its own kind of comeback.
Leave a Reply